Friday, April 12, 2013

K - K.A.R.X.

What the heck is K.A.R.X? Is it a super-secret government computer that needs an acronym because the name is too unwieldy? Is it an alien intelligence bent on world domination and cattle mutilation? Is it a video game about commandos fighting aliens bent on world domination and cattle mutilation? In a word, no.

K.A.R.X. stands for Kristin, Alyssa, Robbie, and Xander. They're my kids. So the letter K is for my kids. (Believe it or not, it didn't occur to me until after I titled this post that I could have just made K stand for kids. I should not try to think before lunch.)

I can still remember how I felt when my first child, Kristin, was born. Those feelings of wonder, joy, and absolute panic. What were we thinking? How could we take care of a baby? I couldn't even take care of a dog without giving myself a concussion! (True story.) Then the feelings of happiness and protectiveness kicked in. We would do whatever we needed to for this child. We can do this!

Twenty months later, Alyssa was born. Now there's two of them?! That's OK, there are two of us and we're bigger than they are. We can still do this. Now Kristin will have something to play with that doesn't need batteries. Panic feelings averted.

Fast-forward thirty months. Robbie is born. A masculine child! My fatherly duties are complete! Wait a minute, now they outnumber us. Panic beginning to make a comeback. But wait, Kristin is old enough to help with childcare duties! We got this. We're good. The world is back as it should be.

Thirty-two months later, here comes Xander. They're multiplying! What is going on here? Where do they keep coming from? I always wanted to have kids someday. When we got married, my wife and I discussed it. I knew they would happen. I just didn't expect them to keep happening. What have I done? We can't afford all of these. Can we return a couple? But they're so cute and loveable. Oh great, now I've become attached.

Having kids is hard. Raising them in today's world with the constant barrage of moral relativity, hyper-sexuality, violence, and government debt that staggers the imagination is a daunting task. I thank God (literally) for the strong foundation I received from my parents and the support I have from family and our synagogue. Without those, parenting would be an almost hopeless task. With them, we can not only handle the job, but raise loving, well-mannered children who love and fear Yahweh, love their family and their country, and understand the importance of a good education (they're homeschooled).

And just maybe, if we can keep the gun-control legislation at bay a little longer, we'll have our own little army for world domination! (Cattle mutilation optional.)